Braces..

Ok.. I thought I should blog about this coz this has definitly become an important part of my life... whether i like it or not.. Umm.. the thing is.. I have got braces.. Ok.. this is definitly disrupting my normal life a bit.. and i know..lotta people out there will say I am too old to get braces.. but adult braces are quite common nowadays.. ok.. i cant eat anything properly.. and everything gets struck into my braces..very gross.. and my teeth hurts like hell so i cant chew or bite.. but it feels normal now.. and m happy I had the guts to get 4 teeth pulled out and continue with the treatment.. Yay!! ^_^

I am in LOVE...

Ok.. just when I was feeling really low.. I am all cheered up... And guess the reason.. My new love interests.. My friends pet guinea pigs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are sooooooooo adorable... I love the way they sit.. love the way they nibble on food.. I love their squealing noises.. I love their silky ears.. I love their soft legs and long nails.. I love it when they tried to bite me..(sherry did.. thought my finger is gajar ka halwa ^_^) .. i love to pick them up.. i love petting their furr.. i love teasing them... I think i loved everything about them..........

So guys.. I am really in love!!!

There are some days when you just feel angry at the whole world for all the bad things that has happened with u.. you feel so pessimistic that u feel like someone is dragging you down into shit.. you are trying to get up but you cant.. coz it feels something has gotten hold of your throat and choking you.. Not choking you enough to kill you.. but gagging you.. and you can feel the air draining out of your lungs slowly.. as it gets more and more difficult to breathe...........

Most of the times, you know why you are feeling that way.. Sometimes you dont.. Well, obviously there is a reason.. but its in your subconscious mind.. All you can do is wait.. count the numbers backwards.. or the more pious ones will take their God's name and wait till the dreadful feeling passes away...

weird time.. adulthood..

I know it has been ages since I last posted anything on my blog.. And for no particular reasons.. Just nothin came to my mind which is worth writing about.. But now i felt I should write something..

I can feel it.. I am changing.. My priorities are changing each and every day.. My feelings, my decisions my lifeplan.. everything! I dunno whether they are for good or for bad.. but I can feel I am growing up.. I still let my heart take over.. but my head is stronger now..

Its not that I am not getting depressed.. I still do.. Its in my blood to say "bhallagchena" every few minutes to my peers.. But yeah, I certainly feel I can deal with it.. And when I try to be, I can be happy.. its like old days.. I pretend to smile at the world..and put up a mask.. and after a while the mask becomes the reality.. my pretention takes over me and I feel happy inside..

I am still confused about what to do about this studies and career of mine.. its so uncertain right now with the current scenario of job market.. And when I cant foresee the future, I do feel insecure.. I like to make the dough of my plans from ahead.. as days goes by and new situation develops, I like to mould them accordinly and give shapes.. but right now, I can't even make the dough coz I cant take a decision.. almost everybody is doin M.tech or MBA.. I mean preparing for it.. but is that what I really want.. I dunno.. I dunno what will make me happy.. I know I want a job.. thats primary..what if i dont get a job..i have to study further to get one.. but what do I wanna study? I just dunno.. thinkin too much makes my head hurt..

In my personal life also confusion.. I am single, confused about my career.. and hell can't control my weight.. my diet.. feel like i need to learn a lot of things and to top it all..I need to move out.. umm, no..aint gonna happen now.. my whole life seems kinda out of control..

Inspite of that, nowadays I dnt feel the despair anymore.. I dunno why but there is a deep faith in me everything is gonna be alright..rather, I know I can sort everything out.. with time.. with pain.. with patience.. and I am gonna be happy.. Like real happy.. and no one will acuse me of being " the depressed girl" anymore.. I look forward to that..

Could'nt find a title to add to my post this time. Actually, there is nothing in my mind. I feel blank, expressionless.. As called by some people.. cold and emotionless.. But its not always like that.. Sometimes you just feel like you the empty inside.. like nothing around you is affecting you much..

Ok, I just had my dinner and you know when you tummy is full ideas keep flowing. There is something I wanted to write about. You see, I have been facing a strange yet common problem. I have this class in niit which is at tollygunje. Its 1/2 an hr walk from my home. I prefer walking..as its a good cardio exercise. But that half an hour..or rather one hour is almost a nightmare for me. All sorts of lewd comments and actions from the guys is so obvious. It makes me mad..crazy.. I used to ignore but I have started shputing back at them. I dont want to stay shut up anymore. There was this vanwalla who said, "wow, besh boro boro toh".. I know the readers here might feel awkward and might think It wasnt necessary for me to give details but m tired.. m really tired of this shit.. people taking photos..i stormed after a couple of them.. But after doing all this, I get scared and tired.. what if this results in some consequence which i don't want.. Still I can not stay silent. Not anymore. I don't want to be afraid. I wanna fight back all those people who makes us feel scared and feel miserable about being a girl. Its gotta stop.

life is weird, aint it?? ^_^

All these while when I was so engrossed into my recent favourite book "The twilight Series".. ( no introduction here, probably half of the population of girls in the world have gone nuts over Edward by now..)

Anyways.. what i was saying..oh yeah..i was totally into this book for a few days after exam..thought that after i finish this probably i will feel good now thay exam is over and I am free..may be even happy.. damn, I was so wrong! ok, so my exams were over..I was still feeling pathetic and then i got into a fight with my best friend.. not really a fight..i hurt her..it was all my fault..nevertheless..it was enough to make her and me upset..then toh my usual mood off is always there..I was feeling kinda empty inside you know..

Tried escaping from the world..very innovative methods..sitting at the corner..eating a lot..exercising a lot sometimes..tearing off tickets..just lying and staring into space..nothing seems to be working anymore..yesterday i decided not to go out and sleep throughout..nopes, din't work..today, got pretty upset in the morning..decided to stay away from the world..went out coz it was necessary..dressed in a crappy bright blue harem pants and yellow top..which made me look like a clown..coz, the colors were so totally mismatched, but i really din't care..

my cousin sis came today.. she wore my flat shoes and went off to belur math with her friends.. all i was left with was my sneakers and 4 inch heels..sneakers would have been more comfortable but i din't wanna increase the clown factor anymore..lazily slipped into those high heels..and strotted off..while sitting in the auto I let my mind wander off..well, i do that quite a lot coz it happen to be one of my favourite past-times..i was gaping absent mindedly at the bikes that were coming..and thinking..thinking and thinking..i realised i have gone weak..i wasnt like this before..i dint use to feel so lonely..

i wasnt sad all the time..could not pinpoint what exactly went wrong..anyways i came back to my senses when the auto took off..i met my friends and stuff..got out job done at gate forum..and then..couples..nowadays, it freaks me out..to hear about my friends talkin about their boyfriends or girlfriends..so see them doing pda..or may be just when they are together..not doing anything..i feel a burning inside my whole body..i want to look away or just get out of that place..feels like i wanna tear my heart out and bury it in the earth so that i never have to get sad again..but i can't..i just tell myself to calm down coz i have to live with this my whole life..i joke to them..i mean..make them happy and carry on..

Then probably,after i have sufficiently tired myself my trotting around in the sun the whole day and may be somewhat sick too..i will try to make myself more tired by doing all stupid things..like sitting on comp for hours..or watching tv and tiring my eyes out..i do that until m sure I am tired enough so that i dnt have to stay awake in bed at night..so that i fall asleep as soon as i hit the bed..i get up and go..sleep..

College crap continued..

Scene IV:

Boy1 standing doing "Ouch..god..chere de.."..blah blah...and boy 2 and boy 3 who happens to know martial art is continuously kicking boy 1's butt.

Scene V:

Teacher teaching in class. He turns to write on board. The moment he turns girl 1 and boy 1 starts bickering about something. Girl 2 tries to put hand on girl 1's mouth to stop her. Boy 1 starts hitting boy 2 for some reason. Girl 1 get mad because Boy 1 lost interest in bickering so hits him pretty hard. "Wham!" Teacher turns around. Every one looked at him as if nothin happened. Suddenly whole class starts laughing. Teacher grins.

Couples scenes...

Scene I:

Girl: Tumi sobsomoi erokom koro.. Amar kosto hoy na? *she starts sobbing*

Boy sits with a grim face and after sometime face and eye gets red as if he is going to cry too..
Girl's head still down and she is sobbing and taking breaks in the middle to wipe off tears..
Boy starts playing game in his cellphone..

Scene II:

Boy: *with a serious face and authoritive tone* Go fill up my bottle. You should learn to do some work.
Girl: Fuck you.. *shows middle finger*
Boy: *messes up her hair badly* take that! *goes and fills up the bottle*

Scene III:

Boy lying with head on girl's lap. Girl bends down and they kisses. After sometime Boy is sitting and the girl is leaning on his shoulders and feeding him her tiffen.