All these while when I was so engrossed into my recent favourite book "The twilight Series".. ( no introduction here, probably half of the population of girls in the world have gone nuts over Edward by now..)
Anyways.. what i was saying..oh yeah..i was totally into this book for a few days after exam..thought that after i finish this probably i will feel good now thay exam is over and I am free..may be even happy.. damn, I was so wrong! ok, so my exams were over..I was still feeling pathetic and then i got into a fight with my best friend.. not really a fight..i hurt her..it was all my fault..nevertheless..it was enough to make her and me upset..then toh my usual mood off is always there..I was feeling kinda empty inside you know..
Tried escaping from the world..very innovative methods..sitting at the corner..eating a lot..exercising a lot sometimes..tearing off tickets..just lying and staring into space..nothing seems to be working anymore..yesterday i decided not to go out and sleep throughout..nopes, din't work..today, got pretty upset in the morning..decided to stay away from the world..went out coz it was necessary..dressed in a crappy bright blue harem pants and yellow top..which made me look like a clown..coz, the colors were so totally mismatched, but i really din't care..
my cousin sis came today.. she wore my flat shoes and went off to belur math with her friends.. all i was left with was my sneakers and 4 inch heels..sneakers would have been more comfortable but i din't wanna increase the clown factor anymore..lazily slipped into those high heels..and strotted off..while sitting in the auto I let my mind wander off..well, i do that quite a lot coz it happen to be one of my favourite past-times..i was gaping absent mindedly at the bikes that were coming..and thinking..thinking and thinking..i realised i have gone weak..i wasnt like this before..i dint use to feel so lonely..
i wasnt sad all the time..could not pinpoint what exactly went wrong..anyways i came back to my senses when the auto took off..i met my friends and stuff..got out job done at gate forum..and then..couples..nowadays, it freaks me out..to hear about my friends talkin about their boyfriends or girlfriends..so see them doing pda..or may be just when they are together..not doing anything..i feel a burning inside my whole body..i want to look away or just get out of that place..feels like i wanna tear my heart out and bury it in the earth so that i never have to get sad again..but i can't..i just tell myself to calm down coz i have to live with this my whole life..i joke to them..i mean..make them happy and carry on..
Then probably,after i have sufficiently tired myself my trotting around in the sun the whole day and may be somewhat sick too..i will try to make myself more tired by doing all stupid things..like sitting on comp for hours..or watching tv and tiring my eyes out..i do that until m sure I am tired enough so that i dnt have to stay awake in bed at night..so that i fall asleep as soon as i hit the bed..i get up and go..sleep..
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