weird time.. adulthood..

I know it has been ages since I last posted anything on my blog.. And for no particular reasons.. Just nothin came to my mind which is worth writing about.. But now i felt I should write something..

I can feel it.. I am changing.. My priorities are changing each and every day.. My feelings, my decisions my lifeplan.. everything! I dunno whether they are for good or for bad.. but I can feel I am growing up.. I still let my heart take over.. but my head is stronger now..

Its not that I am not getting depressed.. I still do.. Its in my blood to say "bhallagchena" every few minutes to my peers.. But yeah, I certainly feel I can deal with it.. And when I try to be, I can be happy.. its like old days.. I pretend to smile at the world..and put up a mask.. and after a while the mask becomes the reality.. my pretention takes over me and I feel happy inside..

I am still confused about what to do about this studies and career of mine.. its so uncertain right now with the current scenario of job market.. And when I cant foresee the future, I do feel insecure.. I like to make the dough of my plans from ahead.. as days goes by and new situation develops, I like to mould them accordinly and give shapes.. but right now, I can't even make the dough coz I cant take a decision.. almost everybody is doin M.tech or MBA.. I mean preparing for it.. but is that what I really want.. I dunno.. I dunno what will make me happy.. I know I want a job.. thats primary..what if i dont get a job..i have to study further to get one.. but what do I wanna study? I just dunno.. thinkin too much makes my head hurt..

In my personal life also confusion.. I am single, confused about my career.. and hell can't control my weight.. my diet.. feel like i need to learn a lot of things and to top it all..I need to move out.. umm, no..aint gonna happen now.. my whole life seems kinda out of control..

Inspite of that, nowadays I dnt feel the despair anymore.. I dunno why but there is a deep faith in me everything is gonna be alright..rather, I know I can sort everything out.. with time.. with pain.. with patience.. and I am gonna be happy.. Like real happy.. and no one will acuse me of being " the depressed girl" anymore.. I look forward to that..