sudden realisation..

Had a moment of truth yesterday.. Weird but nice.. Internet has liberated me. I was a fat house cat with a brooding mind.. But my entry to the virtual world set me free.. I was free to pursue my varied interests.. Experiment on people's mind and the kick i got from it was awesome.. I could quench my never satisfying thirst of anime..

Then a slip.. a tiny little slip made me lost almost everything.. Being practical n settled is not for me.. I am born to dream and fly and experiment.. Romance is momentary.. Change is the truth.. I gave up my anime life.. and later i lost the thing I have my anime life for.. I was left with my brooding self again.. lost in darkness.. refusing to come out of it..

People make mistakes.. life goes on.. but the things u love never change.. they r not worth giving for anything in life even if it feels u love something more than that.. I know I sound awfully vague.. Even I am confused about what to write.. what I am feeling now is difficult to put into words.. will try again later.. until then.. toodles.. ^___^

ganbatte kudasai!!

getting over it..

I know its over
But your memories still in my mind.
As I cherish the lovely days we had
Feels read hard to leave them behind.
The touch of your lips, the smell of your skin,
Has stayed back in the memories of tiny little things.
When I already knew you don't want me anymore,
It was stupid of me for wanting to hold on
Now that you have broken free form me,
It is so hard to forget and move on.
I remember the cruel fights we had
Ans also your cold loveless stare
Piercing my heart, when you said, "Find someone else,
Your life is not mine to share."
You deleted me from your life
But I cant wipe you off
Because I know though I am not the one for you anymore
Life for us without each other is rough.
But don't think I will be weak, I won't be broken..
You will always be in my heart like the half remembered old song.
And I will spread my wings out to new life, to the open.
While you go, I will flow
And perhaps one day you will know
No one can love you so fiercely inspite of your fault like this friend..

10 things to check before falling in love:-

• ·         Make sure the guy is willing you sing stupid romantic karaoke tracks with you while having a good time.
• ·         Will bring you breakfast to bed when you are down.
• ·         Will give the first kiss on forehead.
• ·         Wont be pissed if you start texting him a lot in one of your “pit bull-monster-so-I-miss-him-like-hell” days
• ·         Will treat you as his best friend and will be the person who teases you the most.
• ·         Stay away when you are in one of your hormonal moods.
• ·         Doesn’t get jealous when you talk about your ex.
• ·         When you tell him your problem he says “I understand” and gives you a hug and doesn’t try to solve it, you can solve it yourself.
• ·         Understands that a girl needs to share her happy moments with her girlfriends.
• ·         Talks to you about latest gadgets and cars.. what if you are a girl, cant you be interested in them?

Braces..

Ok.. I thought I should blog about this coz this has definitly become an important part of my life... whether i like it or not.. Umm.. the thing is.. I have got braces.. Ok.. this is definitly disrupting my normal life a bit.. and i know..lotta people out there will say I am too old to get braces.. but adult braces are quite common nowadays.. ok.. i cant eat anything properly.. and everything gets struck into my braces..very gross.. and my teeth hurts like hell so i cant chew or bite.. but it feels normal now.. and m happy I had the guts to get 4 teeth pulled out and continue with the treatment.. Yay!! ^_^

I am in LOVE...

Ok.. just when I was feeling really low.. I am all cheered up... And guess the reason.. My new love interests.. My friends pet guinea pigs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are sooooooooo adorable... I love the way they sit.. love the way they nibble on food.. I love their squealing noises.. I love their silky ears.. I love their soft legs and long nails.. I love it when they tried to bite me..(sherry did.. thought my finger is gajar ka halwa ^_^) .. i love to pick them up.. i love petting their furr.. i love teasing them... I think i loved everything about them..........

So guys.. I am really in love!!!

There are some days when you just feel angry at the whole world for all the bad things that has happened with u.. you feel so pessimistic that u feel like someone is dragging you down into shit.. you are trying to get up but you cant.. coz it feels something has gotten hold of your throat and choking you.. Not choking you enough to kill you.. but gagging you.. and you can feel the air draining out of your lungs slowly.. as it gets more and more difficult to breathe...........

Most of the times, you know why you are feeling that way.. Sometimes you dont.. Well, obviously there is a reason.. but its in your subconscious mind.. All you can do is wait.. count the numbers backwards.. or the more pious ones will take their God's name and wait till the dreadful feeling passes away...

weird time.. adulthood..

I know it has been ages since I last posted anything on my blog.. And for no particular reasons.. Just nothin came to my mind which is worth writing about.. But now i felt I should write something..

I can feel it.. I am changing.. My priorities are changing each and every day.. My feelings, my decisions my lifeplan.. everything! I dunno whether they are for good or for bad.. but I can feel I am growing up.. I still let my heart take over.. but my head is stronger now..

Its not that I am not getting depressed.. I still do.. Its in my blood to say "bhallagchena" every few minutes to my peers.. But yeah, I certainly feel I can deal with it.. And when I try to be, I can be happy.. its like old days.. I pretend to smile at the world..and put up a mask.. and after a while the mask becomes the reality.. my pretention takes over me and I feel happy inside..

I am still confused about what to do about this studies and career of mine.. its so uncertain right now with the current scenario of job market.. And when I cant foresee the future, I do feel insecure.. I like to make the dough of my plans from ahead.. as days goes by and new situation develops, I like to mould them accordinly and give shapes.. but right now, I can't even make the dough coz I cant take a decision.. almost everybody is doin M.tech or MBA.. I mean preparing for it.. but is that what I really want.. I dunno.. I dunno what will make me happy.. I know I want a job.. thats primary..what if i dont get a job..i have to study further to get one.. but what do I wanna study? I just dunno.. thinkin too much makes my head hurt..

In my personal life also confusion.. I am single, confused about my career.. and hell can't control my weight.. my diet.. feel like i need to learn a lot of things and to top it all..I need to move out.. umm, no..aint gonna happen now.. my whole life seems kinda out of control..

Inspite of that, nowadays I dnt feel the despair anymore.. I dunno why but there is a deep faith in me everything is gonna be alright..rather, I know I can sort everything out.. with time.. with pain.. with patience.. and I am gonna be happy.. Like real happy.. and no one will acuse me of being " the depressed girl" anymore.. I look forward to that..