I just a little bit caught in the middle..

I never seem to get the hang of writing. I mean, its not like I cannot write, everybody can, if they know the language. Its just that, may be I am just not poetic enough or sound really smart or something like that. Its not like I dunno the words, I guess its more about thinking in them, which I don’t. I write in the same language I speak. And seriously, as my buds would agree, I never really been good at expressing my thought. I usually end up saying something completely different  Sometimes, when I read someones else’s writing, I almost get jealous. Its like wow, how can he or she express himself or herself so wonderfully and with like proper words and everything.

See, I have already drifted from the topic I was meant to write about! Hmm, lets get back to that. Its like, my life is totally screwed up right now. Ok, may be there is one good thing that my ex is completely and finally out of my life but the things which matters the most, that is my career is kinda down in the dumps. Not my fault really. Lady luck has hardly been on my side. That makes me a hard working person though. Or may be something good will happen to me in the future like landing in Microsoft and marrying Mark. Hmm, that sounds really good, doesn’t it? Anyways, lemme hold on to that thought and dream a bit coz I have already forgotten why I started writing the blogpost in the first place and grab some chocs. Toodles.

P.S I have no idea why I put that post title. May be thats the only line which came to my mind right now and I am singing the song over over. 

Just a random thought..

You can spend years with a person and suddenly they would do something so strange that it leaves you wondering whether you knew that person at all! Its weird how people get brainwashed and manipulated and influenced so easily, mostly by people who are close to them and start losing their own personality. And I guess its not always a person who influences them, sometimes its situations, money or lack of it.. but whatever it is, losing your own identity and getting moulded into something else, more often something worse, is not good and certainly not fun for the people who cares about you but cant do anything but be mere spectators.

Alright, completely different issue but I realized I hardly ever blog when I am happy.  I only blog when I am confused and bothered. Does that make me a sadist? I wonder… :-/

End or a new beginning..

I am tired of saying that its been a long time since i wrote last, so I am gonna skip that this time.. As far back i can think i remember myself longing for a personal room of my own, I used to watch this serial called Clarissa, this girl used to have a room with her own decorations n personalized stuff.. and i envied her. Then finally after got a room of my own. and then i started longing for moving out of home, having a place of my own and starting a new life. And now, finally, after all these years, it is time for that and while standing on the crossroads of my life, I am confused.

In spite of my desire to move out and start a new life with new freedom and new challenges, I just simply can't make myself believe that this is it, I am really going away from my friends, family for good and we might meet up and spend a few day together later, but it will never be the same again. This blog post is dedicated to all those people i will miss so much once I am away... Mommy and daddy, I cant really explain how much or what exact i will miss about them, its just that, i know it will be so hard without them.. then my bestest friend is the whole wide world.. srij and shagu.. I have been such dummies over years n have bothered them n drove them crazy by my whining to no extent but they never stopped listening to me.. pri and shriya... who has always stayed true to our friendship when people has come and go in our lives, and we have never failed to hav fun together! My college friends shama, shubha and mona from whom i never expected the love and care and friendship I got.. simididi, i will miss your cooking and sharing all my secrets with her.. and will miss fighting about women rights with joydada and beating him up.. and my closest guy friends who changed my opinion about men... kuntal, surajit, debu, debaditya, debojyoti and arka and soham too.. It will get lonely for me there, and at times I would want to walk out or quit.. but I know at that time, even if we are away I can count on all you people to lift me up and again push me forward.. <3 u...

dark clouds..

2011 was going perfect foe me. My life was perfect, I had a job, I was single and happy and my teeth was getting fixed. And suddenly, all the happiness came to a standstill. Suddenly I was not getting offer letter and also till now I had been in good terms with all the people of college and just before fourth year is almost over I started having fights !! To add to my owes, my ex bf is in town and since I am still friends with him we decided to meet. Inevitably, he went into depression and yeah, i guess we aren't meeting anytime soon. Oh yeah and one of my friends deleted me from his friend list, and i deleted two others. Some people are getting on my nerves more than necessary, some friends, some foe. Together, its like a madhouse going inside my head.

What what is a good idea, running away from the madhouse or doing a rampage and destroy it? :|

Life..

Life is such an irony. I moment it starts making you believe that life is the best thing that can happen to us and you start getting a sip of the honey sweet mixture, you are left with a bitter aftertaste. Just when you think everything is perfect, everything will fall apart. You suddenly find you don't have a job, you are separated from your friends and you don't know anymore what you can cling to. It is so painful, you can't even cry.

Apparently, it wasn't even in your hands. This was pure luck. you gave your best and yet you met with a defeat. After you laugh, you have to cry in pain. That is the rule. Don't be in illusions. If you think life is beautiful, think again. beacuse it will remind you soon enough that life is cruel, its unfair and ironic. When you think otherwise, it makes sure, it gets you back on the right path.

I am writing this in a lot of pain. Hope whatever I am going through right now, ends soon. 

nuttiest, craziest day of my life!!

There are some days which you don’t forget ever in your life. You know, such as your first kiss, wedding day, first child, first alcohol and FIRST JOB.!!!!

The day was 26^th January 2011. For any other Indian, it was one of the boring Republic Days (erm, may be not so boring if you are part of the parade) as the excitement of patriotism has died down a lot. But for the CIEMiams who have appeared or going to appear for the Mahindra campus drive. As for myself, all those aptitude and interviews ended on day 1 itself, 24^th Jan and all I was doing is waiting and waiting…. Waitinggggggg. I lost my sleep and as well my appetite. Srij kept on telling this wait is the best part, frankly, I still think it wasn’t. All I could think like “oh, the guy didn’t ask me many questions, may be he planned to eliminate me” or “oh, so many people did better than me, I have no chance, whatsoever”. Before that, after technical round, I was like “noway, she didn’t ask me anything much!! I am a goner!! She doesn’t like me!!”. And after the aptitude test I went into depression as I answered too few questions and went to stand in the balcony alone as I couldn’t bear to face people. And after each round, each time my name was announced, my heart leaped though there weren’t feelings of joy, it was filled with relief.

On the afternoon of 25^th jan I heard that people who were made to sign a certain declaration in the HR round are supposed to be already chosen. I could breathe easy for sometime, but not for long though, in the evening I came to know, too many went to the HR round and they are going to eliminate. Man, that was the night. The painful, torturing night! Next day I started getting numb, by that time, I have made myself convinced, even if I don’t get its ok, I will get next time, its no big deal. So, around the time where the results were to be announced, I didn’t go to college. And suddenly Shama texts me saying results are out and she has gotten in. I kept calling and texting people frantically and finally after being confirmed by Surajit, Srija and Shubha I was filled with a overwhelming sense of relief. I didn’t fill overwhelming joy, just a soothing feeling calmed the storm which was going on in the mind. Then phone calls kept on pouring in, three phones and numerous congratulations. That time it felt good!! Really really good! My grandma even made me promise I am gonna buy her gold jewellery when I get salary!! The congratulions are still going on though, it feels so good to see everyone happy for me. Never felt so important and loved in my life, I suppose. Sugoi desu ne? ^_^

Happy New Year Minna..

Happy new year everyone.. (in case u dunno minna is everyone in Japanese) . This year really began with something..Whoa.. First all my friends are getting jobs one by one.. Omedato to them from bottom of my heart.. And now, we have this huge confusion going on without our own placement. Our college has never been so great in the job-giving front, but when they make false promises, it really does kill your concentration and peace of mind. But, I am trying not to fall prey of that. Keeping my self calm and not getting frustrated and study hard in my own way is the key, i suppose. And also not to depend on anything, not even college. So, here you go guys, I am blogging after such a long time on a brand new year with new hope and promising myself that no matter what happens, I will be happier this year.. this is Solanki signing off for sometime again.. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst".